Goodbye to this blog.
I'm starting FRESH.
Follow me in my new site;
-Lisa
Monday, December 29, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Unsatisfied.
Where'd all the holiday spirit go? Christmas just past and by far it was one of my worst.. Sure, I got everything I'd ask for that was on my list (which wasn't even a lot to begin with) but getting things, doesn't make it any better. I'm not going to blame the snow for the lack of family togetherness.. I'm not going to blame growing up because that is inevitable, but I am going to say that the families have drifted and no one really seems to be as close anymore.
I miss the traditional holiday parties when you'd dress up!, waking up at 10 to help cook, staying up 'till 2 am just because we all wanted to and no one wanted the nights to end. I miss how CLOSE we all once were and how much we needed each other for support, for guidance.
What happened?
That's the only question I want answered. Maybe it all seemed better when we were younger.. but as look as the younger generation of kids in my family, I feel sorry for them. They're not going to have traditions to do, memories/places to reminisce on, silly games of imagination. Now a day all the kids are consumed in all the high-tech things and getting all the best of the best, which they get because of their parents spoiling them. Yes, I said it. When I was 7 I felt lucky to get 1 barbie doll. And that's all I ever wanted too.
And as I'm turning back the time, I remember Christmas's started to change once my Grandpa passed away. He was always the one that picked out the biig tree (with the input of the his grandchildren but we'd always pick the goofy looking one's). Christmas's were held at his house and we'd do those Santa cards, bake cookies and hope we get all we wished for. When I come to think of it, I've stopped decorating trees after he past. I remember the mis-matched lights in which most lights didn't work. The random ornaments and the many candy cane's we'd put on the tree but would slowly disappear when Christmas day started to arrive.
I miss my Grandpa the most at Christmas time.
Well now it seems it's time for New Years.. time to re-evaluate goals and try to better one's self..
-Lisa
[pictures of Christmas 2007]
I miss the traditional holiday parties when you'd dress up!, waking up at 10 to help cook, staying up 'till 2 am just because we all wanted to and no one wanted the nights to end. I miss how CLOSE we all once were and how much we needed each other for support, for guidance.
What happened?
That's the only question I want answered. Maybe it all seemed better when we were younger.. but as look as the younger generation of kids in my family, I feel sorry for them. They're not going to have traditions to do, memories/places to reminisce on, silly games of imagination. Now a day all the kids are consumed in all the high-tech things and getting all the best of the best, which they get because of their parents spoiling them. Yes, I said it. When I was 7 I felt lucky to get 1 barbie doll. And that's all I ever wanted too.
And as I'm turning back the time, I remember Christmas's started to change once my Grandpa passed away. He was always the one that picked out the biig tree (with the input of the his grandchildren but we'd always pick the goofy looking one's). Christmas's were held at his house and we'd do those Santa cards, bake cookies and hope we get all we wished for. When I come to think of it, I've stopped decorating trees after he past. I remember the mis-matched lights in which most lights didn't work. The random ornaments and the many candy cane's we'd put on the tree but would slowly disappear when Christmas day started to arrive.
I miss my Grandpa the most at Christmas time.
Well now it seems it's time for New Years.. time to re-evaluate goals and try to better one's self..
-Lisa
[pictures of Christmas 2007]
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas Eve.
Whoever said, "You don't know what you have until it's gone" is wrong, because you know exactly what you have when you have it, you just don't know how much you need it until you can't have it anymore.
--
I've come to a sad realization today.. Tradition is lost, sometimes family isn't everything to keeping a strong bond but it sure helps, the people you thought that would be with you 'till the end of time will break your heart; (regardless if they mean to or not), promises are broken,and you can always, always forgive..but never forget.
It's only takes one thing to make me feel this hurt. Yes, I say its okay. Who am I to stop happiness? But they sure can stop mine. I act like it doesn't bother me, when ever single day I can't help but think of how much I miss my.. bestfriend. I miss the way things used to be. It's hard to believe how it all changed in an instant. I don't want to say that I'm putting up walls or burning bridges, but I am going to keep my wall down and keep that bridge open..
I find it really hard to think that the one person I would go for practically everything, tell everything to, spend as much free time with.. was no longer there anymore. When I pick up the phone its hard not to dial those number and say, "Hey, why can't we turn back the time?"
It's too bad life doesn't work that way. Time is moving on and I need to move on with it.
But these memories, this lesson, I'll forever hold onto.
-Lisa
--
I've come to a sad realization today.. Tradition is lost, sometimes family isn't everything to keeping a strong bond but it sure helps, the people you thought that would be with you 'till the end of time will break your heart; (regardless if they mean to or not), promises are broken,and you can always, always forgive..but never forget.
It's only takes one thing to make me feel this hurt. Yes, I say its okay. Who am I to stop happiness? But they sure can stop mine. I act like it doesn't bother me, when ever single day I can't help but think of how much I miss my.. bestfriend. I miss the way things used to be. It's hard to believe how it all changed in an instant. I don't want to say that I'm putting up walls or burning bridges, but I am going to keep my wall down and keep that bridge open..
I find it really hard to think that the one person I would go for practically everything, tell everything to, spend as much free time with.. was no longer there anymore. When I pick up the phone its hard not to dial those number and say, "Hey, why can't we turn back the time?"
It's too bad life doesn't work that way. Time is moving on and I need to move on with it.
But these memories, this lesson, I'll forever hold onto.
-Lisa
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Hidden..Make it Right!
I think everybody has brokenness. There's no doubt about that. We live in a fallen world. This is not heaven. Everybody has scars. Everybody is hurting somewhere. I guarantee you that. Everybody has a hidden hurt..
Some days just go by and sometimes you just don't know where to turn, who to go to. All you can do is pick up your pieces.
I'm trying to take advantage of this whole no school/snow day cancellations. No stress, just relaxing, Right?. . . WRONG. I still have so much do be done by the new year and I'm not even sure where to start. With all the projects and make-up work I need to get done.. Not to mention, I want to set some new goals! I guess that's the most exciting part.. being able to start over. It's like an easy way to take the short cut, to cheat and say, "Hey! Look, I'm putting things in the past and this new year is going to be different.." Yeah, everyone can talk, but proving it is a whole different thing completely.
Anywayyyy, I don't want to get all caught up in that right now.. I wanna make it past Christmas first! I finished most of the shopping yesterday for all the cousins in my family..well the ones that are 5 years and under. Considering the crazy snow we're getting.. I was trying to get in the mall, finishing all the shopping and be done. But that's not how it went. I spent nearly 3 hours there =/ What a headache, But it's what you gotta do.
I really do find that a lot of the younger generations in my family are very spoiled, so I'm not even sure if the gifts I got them will even make an effect on them. It's just one more thing they can open up and than put aside. I want to see them be more appreciative, I would've killed to get a barbie dream house at their age! =/ Oh wells.
My parents keep asking me what my sister and I want. But when it comes down to it, I don't really ask for much. Considering that I already have what I need from them.. but to be a little greeedy, I would love to go and get my hair done *highlights! & a few pics :)
From CathyJeans! I'm a 6!
From Juicy!
A new KathyVanZeenland purse.
Any cute graphic Tee's :) Size; Small
I want colored washed jeans from PacSun! I'm a size Zer0! :)
-Lisa
Some days just go by and sometimes you just don't know where to turn, who to go to. All you can do is pick up your pieces.
I'm trying to take advantage of this whole no school/snow day cancellations. No stress, just relaxing, Right?. . . WRONG. I still have so much do be done by the new year and I'm not even sure where to start. With all the projects and make-up work I need to get done.. Not to mention, I want to set some new goals! I guess that's the most exciting part.. being able to start over. It's like an easy way to take the short cut, to cheat and say, "Hey! Look, I'm putting things in the past and this new year is going to be different.." Yeah, everyone can talk, but proving it is a whole different thing completely.
Anywayyyy, I don't want to get all caught up in that right now.. I wanna make it past Christmas first! I finished most of the shopping yesterday for all the cousins in my family..well the ones that are 5 years and under. Considering the crazy snow we're getting.. I was trying to get in the mall, finishing all the shopping and be done. But that's not how it went. I spent nearly 3 hours there =/ What a headache, But it's what you gotta do.
I really do find that a lot of the younger generations in my family are very spoiled, so I'm not even sure if the gifts I got them will even make an effect on them. It's just one more thing they can open up and than put aside. I want to see them be more appreciative, I would've killed to get a barbie dream house at their age! =/ Oh wells.
My parents keep asking me what my sister and I want. But when it comes down to it, I don't really ask for much. Considering that I already have what I need from them.. but to be a little greeedy, I would love to go and get my hair done *highlights! & a few pics :)
From CathyJeans! I'm a 6!
From Juicy!
A new KathyVanZeenland purse.
Any cute graphic Tee's :) Size; Small
I want colored washed jeans from PacSun! I'm a size Zer0! :)
-Lisa
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Food Drive;Shopping Day
Total of cans; Over 67,000
Money total; $20,220
THE FOOD DRIVE. What a huge deal at my school. The snow is totally clashing with our schedule for it. Today is supposed to be delivery day but school got cancelled due to the snow =/ I'm so disappointed right now.
BUT yesterday was shopping day and boy it was hectic! This has been my first year at participating in the event so I was pretty much already excited about it already. I felt like I had been all over the place though. Either getting boxes put together, setting up to serve food, helping with the baby food boxes. I would've rather been doing something than just stand there the whole time. I'm totally thankful for how many people had showed up to help though because if not than we would've been at school 'till midnight trying to get all the shopping for the family done. We even had lost an hour of set-up because of the fact that we had the 2-hour delay. We were all optimistic about it.
I really wish I had taken pictures of everything. Although the stress was excruciating and I'm still completely exhausted from last night, it really was all worth it.
I'm hoping that some of the teachers/parents were able to go in to school and deliver some of the boxes today. If not, I'm also hoping for a 2 hour delay so that way the students get a chance to deliver. But what really matters is those 100 families are able to get the food that we've collected :)
We're totally hitting the holiday spirit and I'm loving it so much right now <3
-Lisa
Money total; $20,220
THE FOOD DRIVE. What a huge deal at my school. The snow is totally clashing with our schedule for it. Today is supposed to be delivery day but school got cancelled due to the snow =/ I'm so disappointed right now.
BUT yesterday was shopping day and boy it was hectic! This has been my first year at participating in the event so I was pretty much already excited about it already. I felt like I had been all over the place though. Either getting boxes put together, setting up to serve food, helping with the baby food boxes. I would've rather been doing something than just stand there the whole time. I'm totally thankful for how many people had showed up to help though because if not than we would've been at school 'till midnight trying to get all the shopping for the family done. We even had lost an hour of set-up because of the fact that we had the 2-hour delay. We were all optimistic about it.
I really wish I had taken pictures of everything. Although the stress was excruciating and I'm still completely exhausted from last night, it really was all worth it.
I'm hoping that some of the teachers/parents were able to go in to school and deliver some of the boxes today. If not, I'm also hoping for a 2 hour delay so that way the students get a chance to deliver. But what really matters is those 100 families are able to get the food that we've collected :)
We're totally hitting the holiday spirit and I'm loving it so much right now <3
-Lisa
Monday, December 15, 2008
Amen to this..
"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."
-BOB MARLEY
-BOB MARLEY
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Another Saturday..
I don't want to be with somebody who would rather be with me than nobody. I want to be with somebody who would rather be with me than anybody.
Every night I stayed up, thinking my mind's made up. Every memory I hold on to. If I could only have a minute, I know how I'd spend it saying everything I feel for you.
And when I first met you, I never would have imagined I would have such strong feelings for you. I never would have thought that I would have dreams about you, or miss being by your side, or get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentions your name. When I first met you, I never would have thought that I would fall in love with you.
---
Just some quotes that I felt close to the heart with and had me thinking of Matthew. I think it's been over a week since I've last seen him =/ "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"..? As for that quote applying to me; it just makes me miss him so much more..
But anyways today just felt like another day of being home, just kinda reminiscing on things. When I woke up this morning I just really didn't feel like getting out of bed and doing anything. Maybe it was just a bad morning. But I've just been getting way to many of those. It seems like lately I've been having to re-evaluate myself..and everything that I'm doing. But hey, I got to stare out my window at the snow that was slowly falling to the ground.. (which by the way my dad just told me to make a snowman outside in our backyard. It's frreeeezing out! No way!)
Goodness, I feel as though I'm in a slump and I need to get out of it. Quick! I hate feeling like this. I need to get my lazy butt out of bed and quit watching sappy movies all day. I'm going to try to make the best of this upcoming week. The foood drive is coming to and end and things just need to get done without no stress. HA! Let's see if that'll really happen.
It seems like all I ever do is stress out. Whatever happened to all the fun? Never having to worry? Planning crazy stuff without actually having to do them? Now it seems like everything you say and everything you do, has such a huge impact. Is this what it means to start growing up? If so, how can I slow it down?
I just have so many questions..and I know most of them will always be left un-answered but that doesn't mean I'll stop asking.
-Lisa
Every night I stayed up, thinking my mind's made up. Every memory I hold on to. If I could only have a minute, I know how I'd spend it saying everything I feel for you.
And when I first met you, I never would have imagined I would have such strong feelings for you. I never would have thought that I would have dreams about you, or miss being by your side, or get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentions your name. When I first met you, I never would have thought that I would fall in love with you.
---
Just some quotes that I felt close to the heart with and had me thinking of Matthew. I think it's been over a week since I've last seen him =/ "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"..? As for that quote applying to me; it just makes me miss him so much more..
But anyways today just felt like another day of being home, just kinda reminiscing on things. When I woke up this morning I just really didn't feel like getting out of bed and doing anything. Maybe it was just a bad morning. But I've just been getting way to many of those. It seems like lately I've been having to re-evaluate myself..and everything that I'm doing. But hey, I got to stare out my window at the snow that was slowly falling to the ground.. (which by the way my dad just told me to make a snowman outside in our backyard. It's frreeeezing out! No way!)
Goodness, I feel as though I'm in a slump and I need to get out of it. Quick! I hate feeling like this. I need to get my lazy butt out of bed and quit watching sappy movies all day. I'm going to try to make the best of this upcoming week. The foood drive is coming to and end and things just need to get done without no stress. HA! Let's see if that'll really happen.
It seems like all I ever do is stress out. Whatever happened to all the fun? Never having to worry? Planning crazy stuff without actually having to do them? Now it seems like everything you say and everything you do, has such a huge impact. Is this what it means to start growing up? If so, how can I slow it down?
I just have so many questions..and I know most of them will always be left un-answered but that doesn't mean I'll stop asking.
-Lisa
Friday, December 12, 2008
Performance Day!
The performance at the assembly went amazing! I'm so happy about that. I got so much positive feedback and it felt really good. We worked hard on the routine and it really did show. I can't wait for the next performance day. We're finishing up the routine and it looks pretty good if I do say so myself :) Our coach is always telling us at practice to not care about what others say about the team.. Its high school, insecurities happen. But being on this team has showed me that I really don't care. I'm doing something that I enjoy. Sure, I'm good but I mainly do it because its an outlet for all the stress I go through and I just love performing..
-Lisa
-Lisa
Thursday, December 11, 2008
This Week.. Weak.
Before you can begin fixing anything,
you must first start by doing the hardest thing;
forgiving yourself.
---
I just feel so overwhelmed.. more than I ever have before and I'm just tired. Tired of being tired of the same damn thing. Ugh, I just hate this so much. I've been having way too many bad days and lately its been getting harder for me to keep things straight.
Yesterday I cried for the first time at school and I've always told myself to never do that but I just got so fed up, I can't even begin to explain..
I wanna tell people I'm fine when they ask and not walk away, I wanna be okay, but I'm just not. I get so frustrated that I take it out on other people that don't deserve it, and I'm sorry for that but my tolerance level just gets so low. It's just too many bad days in one week.
Plus side is tomorrow is a performance! Finally! I'm sad that Ashley and Zahra are going to be gone from the assembly :( but Jessica will be recording it and Ashley's going to the varsity basketball game :) Which by the way a lot of people should be going. It'll be a good half time show! And I'd love the support.
-Lisa
you must first start by doing the hardest thing;
forgiving yourself.
---
I just feel so overwhelmed.. more than I ever have before and I'm just tired. Tired of being tired of the same damn thing. Ugh, I just hate this so much. I've been having way too many bad days and lately its been getting harder for me to keep things straight.
Yesterday I cried for the first time at school and I've always told myself to never do that but I just got so fed up, I can't even begin to explain..
I wanna tell people I'm fine when they ask and not walk away, I wanna be okay, but I'm just not. I get so frustrated that I take it out on other people that don't deserve it, and I'm sorry for that but my tolerance level just gets so low. It's just too many bad days in one week.
Plus side is tomorrow is a performance! Finally! I'm sad that Ashley and Zahra are going to be gone from the assembly :( but Jessica will be recording it and Ashley's going to the varsity basketball game :) Which by the way a lot of people should be going. It'll be a good half time show! And I'd love the support.
-Lisa
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Alalala.
---I've been feeling super mixed emotions lately and its driving me crazy! There's just away too much going on and I'm feeling so overwhelmed.. and I just don't know what to do. Take it one step at time, like I always do. Hmm, is possible to every feel whelmed? Or would that to be content. I wanna feel that for once.. Not feeling over or under just right.
But anyways, this week seems to be going by super quick. I'm proud to say that I've doing good at doing my homeworks. Ugh, except for chemistry. I hate that class though. I'm failing still just cause I'm barely understanding anything. -_-" Anyone wanna tutor me?! For seriousnesss. I need some major help.
Oh yeah! Next week Friday dance will be performing with the breakers at the assembly and at the basketball game. The routine looks good so far but we just really need to clean it up with the breakers next week. We just need to dance BIG and all out. I just wish we weren't in out skirts >: We'll make due with it because I guess it's not that bad. I just can't wait to get sweats.
I guess this is all I'm going to blog for tonight. I need to finish my trig questions and start on my English read! I had to switch authors because my teacher said there's too many people doing to the same author but its all good because my alternate book isn't that bad.
-Lisa
PS. I miss my boyfriend, its weird being without him because I just don't like it very much :( I don't know if he'll read this or not but oh wells. I just thought I'd add it on..
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Foood Driive!
This week has been super hectic! I can't believe it's only the first week of the food drive. We're doing so good right now. First period is soo busy though. I hate not having things to do sometimes because I feel like like I'm wasting some valuable time!
I've yet to go canning which makes me very upset cause last year I remember I went canning soo much. But now I barely even have any time to :( I'm planning on going sometime next week which makes me excited to stand out in the cold for 4 hours. . haha. Wow, I sound like a nerd but the food drive really is a great thing that goes on at Casade. I know to some people food drives are whatever but its a huge deal because our food drive helps families in our community. Ahh, I really can't wait for the shopping day and delivery day. Especially since I've done neither in the past 2 years.
Only a week and a half left! We have to keep pushing and collecting!
-Lisa
I've yet to go canning which makes me very upset cause last year I remember I went canning soo much. But now I barely even have any time to :( I'm planning on going sometime next week which makes me excited to stand out in the cold for 4 hours. . haha. Wow, I sound like a nerd but the food drive really is a great thing that goes on at Casade. I know to some people food drives are whatever but its a huge deal because our food drive helps families in our community. Ahh, I really can't wait for the shopping day and delivery day. Especially since I've done neither in the past 2 years.
Only a week and a half left! We have to keep pushing and collecting!
-Lisa
Monday, December 1, 2008
To be Passionate;
---
Sometimes I wish I was more passionate with the things that I do. I mean, I do a lot of things because it's something to do, something I'm interested in. But what I want to do is do things with more meaning. I'm starting to get more into dancing, but it's not as much as I want it to be. It's exciting to choreograph something, contribute ideas. But dancing seems to be just another activity to me.. I just really want to take it to another level. I want to take performing to another level. More excitement..
I think what I'm going to do is really amp things up at practice. Try to get the girls more excited to try something different! Maybe even step out of their comfort zones.
I really hate that I've stepped away from my writing. I remember I would love spending my nights writing in my journal, but now it seems as though just that I don't have the time anymore =/ Ugh. Growing up can be such a pain.
-Lisa
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