Turning the Clock

You can be up so high for so long 'till you fall down. I wish I could turn back time and take back some of the things I've done, things I've said. And just do it all over. But sadly, life isn't like that. You can't take back what you said 5 seconds ago, let alone take things back from 5 months ago. If it was, than we wouldn't be having to deal with all these problems now, Would we?

I remember how I used to be. How I dealt with things. I want that strength back. If someone was to tell me that I'd be feeling this kind of low, I would've laughed at their faces and said you're joking. Me? Never.

It's funny how things turn out though.

Sure, I laugh at it and just turn the other cheek. But thats the only way I know how to deal with i all right now. I hate having to walk away because that's always the last thing I want to do . .

People may think they know. But just like that Diary on MTV - You have no idea.

I'm fairly content, not yet satisfied. But that's why I persevere through and set goals so high, they might even seem unreachable. That's how you succeed. By doing things that you never thought you would.

I'm going to prove them all wrong. Just watch me. Over time all this pain is going to be gone. And I'll be able to say I grew stronger. Right now, I'm still holding off. And waiting for my heart to heal.

-Lisa

Registration Sucks

I feel so very very overwhelmed with the registration process that my school has. My monitoring teacher isn't very clear on what we need to get done. Not to mention that my counselor is kinda lazy and hasn't even signed me up for running start or summer school. He told me to see him again before spring break when the test is in May! So right now I'm struggling to figure out what classes I need to take. Currently this is what my form is looking like:

English III Honors (2 Semesters)
Algebra II Trig (2 Semesters)
US History (2 Semesters)
Spanish 3 (2 Semesters)
Chemistry(2 Semesters)
Intro to Art (1 Semester)
Graphic Art (1 Semester)

Than my alternatives are Photography, Adv. Aerobics, and Marketing Operations. I know that my schedule will completely change because I'm going to take either chemistry or algebra II trig in the summer and then I'm planning on taking English and US history for running start. There's just waay too many things to do. But hey, this is what I gotta do if I want my senior year to be clear :) So far its looking good. Even without doing all the extra stuff I'm able to have early release.

All I really gotta finish up is SAT and passing that Math WASL.

Man, am I content with how smoothly everything is going.

-Lisa

Voiceless

So I've basicly lost my voice during 3rd period. And boy, did it suck suck. Everyone kept telling me to say things but all I could do was mouth out that I couldn't speak. I had a lot of things to say today too! I hope it comes back soon to when I really need it!

FOR STATE. I can't believe how fast the days are going by. I'm not even done with my poster yet! It's crazy. But I'll get it done. No worries. It's just my powerpoint visual isn't that good. I'll probably be working on it last minute when we get to the hotel. I already know that Ms.Galli will want to tweake it once she sees the "finished version." But besides all that, its going to fun.

I'm also seeing my counselor about running start. It's insane. I have so much on my plate. Overwhelming? Yes. But I love it. I'm getting so much accomplished. For once in my life I'm feeling completely satisfied. Besides the whole not being able to find a job and my driver's test is in a month. But after that I'll truely be satisifed.

Who needs boys when you got success? (:

-Lisa

& I Thought You Were The One

You said the right things, at the right time. I remember right from the beginning. I told myself that your're just another guy, I'm not going to let myself have feelings for you. I will not let you get to me. It can't be possible. But now look at where I am. I don't know when or how it started happening but I'm getting those feellings that I said I didn't want to get.

Maybe it was the fact that I felt so comfortable with you. Or unlike those guys you actually listened to what I had to say. Or maybe it was that you were the first. Regardless, I love your sense of humor, you're sensitivity, and the way you would look at me. I loved the way you looked at me. I still remember our first kiss. .

But how come it seems as if we feel tension being a room together. We can't have those normal conversations that we used to have. I miss you so much. I know you said you care. But its not just in the way you say. How about showing it?

I feel torn, stay or move on?

It's clear that you have moved on. And as much as you say you don't want to leave me hanging. It's kinda too late. It's fine though. I've never really needed anyone to pick me up. I do it myself. But it was clear, I loved you, still do, always will.

-Lisa

Stumbling Through

I hate thinking about you, I hate worrying about what's going to be. And I hate how much you don't care. But not as much as I hate myself for letting you get to me. I keep saying "Yeah I'm over it. Whatever." Truth is, I'll never be over it. In your eyes it was probably different than what I saw. But it doesn't change the fact that it all hurts the same. I feel an ache in my heart that just shouldn't be there.

The worst part is how much I let this all affect. I'm the kind of person that isn't good with hiding emotions. This past 2 months alone I've had so many people ask me if I'm doing okay. Am I Okay? No. But I can't say that without having a whole bunch of questions asking why. So I always end up saying, "I'm just a little tired, I had a long night." You know, those lame excuses. My friend told me that when he looked into my eyes he knew nothing was okay even when I said it. But what else can I do?

I should be happy. But I'm not. Things that I'm normally the most ecstatic about, now I can care less. And as each passing day goes by. I feel like things are getting harder. But all I can do is brush it off. I don't feel like me. I need to go back. Cause I've clearly not just lose a part of my heart but I lost myself with it.

-Lisa

A Little Overbooked

First day back of from break and I must say, I had no clue what was going in almost all of my classes. I was there physically but my mind was waay off somewhere else. I'm happy some teacher's took it slow. And ahem to only having geometry homework tonight which by the way I still need to get started on. But that can wait 'till after I'm done with my blog.

Something that I found out today that really amussed me, is the ability I have to make a lot of people laugh and smile. It's a good feeling to know, yeah thats right I'm the one that did that. Even only for a little bit until you get in trouble for it by the teacher. But that's besides the point. I realized that I've come along way. Starting a school in a completely different district and making friends with people that have already had their own little cliques from middle school. And now I'm as comfortable as can be.

The first official meeting for the dance team was today. Oh boy, was I feeling a little overwhelmed by the things we had to go through today. We discussed our uniform situation we finally got it done. We're getting an offical uniform, a sweat suit w/ a warm up jacket, and then we're getting a polyster suit to wear under our uniform. Than we discussed a whole bunch of fundraiser. I'm pretty excited to get started on it all. Than we're also planning on going to Dance Camp in the summer. We already have offers but we're waiting to see which place has the better deal. Overall, I'm very excited to start.

Tomorrow I get started on my poster for state in DECA. I don't want to say that I'm not nervous about it but I'm not completely confident. I did write the 26 page manual but sometimes I tend to freeze up during presentations. But thats just something I need to overcome in the next 2 weeks. Yeah, competition is in less than 2 weeks. Inhale, Exhale.

-Lisa

Priorities

It's been awhile since I've actually done a true blog. I don't know why, blogging is a great way to vent things out and I used to do it a lot. But I'm trying to get back now. So here goes on my first blog;

Lately there has been so many things going on in my life. Hectic? Just a little. Sometimes I feel as if there's not even time in the world to everything that you need to do. I feel overbooked, like I can't do it all. And when I can't, I'm letting other people down. But I just have to get them all done. Maybe its my own fault for wanting do so much. President for DECA, joining the dance team, trying so hard to make my parents happy. Easy tasks right?

Not really, especially when you're trying to accomplish them when you feel, defeated. I remember, I never used to be this way. I never would let anyone get the best of me. No One. I would just brush it off like nothing. But for some reason, I can't shake it. And I don't know why. Okay, maybe I do a little. I let my guard down and I let someone get the best of me. I'm still slowly picking up the pieces, but its getting harder to do when that person keeps coming back. And all I ever do is let them back into my life. One simple apology and I let them in. I'm hoping he doesn't screw it up again.

-Lisa