November 30, 1991

I really can't believe it's already my 17th birthday. It doesn't feel like it at all. I now see how much I've grown and how much I've changed.. always for the better though. Even though I'm not doing anything for it, it was really nice to see how many people remembered :)

Real talk, I can still remember the person I was to this day. And sometimes it's hard to look back and think of how much has changed. How much people have changed. It hurts, but by hurting you grow and become a better person.. sometimes I wish other people can be better. But there's just so much you can hope for, right?

It's funny to think of the question,"If you could turn back and change something, would you?"
My answer; I wouldn't change a thing, because every mistake, every regret, every change has made me the person that I am today. It's brought me to the people in my life and I truely feel blessed and thankful because I wouldn't know what do without those people.. they know who they are.. It seems crazy tp be growing up this fast but I feel ready to see what more the world has to offer and I'm ready to take it all on..

-Lisa

Thanksgiving.

So today is Thanksgiving.. a day to be thankful for the people in your life and be thankful for the things that you have. As for myself I am thankful for many many things.

My family; for being healthy, happy, beautiful and a strong support. I spent so much of my spare time with them and I know we've come a looong way. Always fighting.. but always fighting for the right thing, together.

My Sister; I'm pretty much thankful for mom and dad for having her. She's like my bestfriend than my sister, but either way she'll be in my life forever.. I know that I can trust her to have my back 'till the end.

My friends; They know who they are.. I just want to say thank you for never taking my loyalty for granted, for always listening to me and for always being there. Sometimes I know I can be totally screwed up, never knowing what to do, but you guys push me in the right direction and keep me in check. Even when at times I just loose myself.

Matthew; I am so thankful for you.. You are such a great boyfriend and I couldn't ask for more. You've taught me to trust and you've taught me to just be myself despite what others may think of me. I never thought that I'd be in such a good relationship with someone like I do with you. In the beginning I was scared but you've taught me to take a risk.I just love being with you and I'm thankful for having you in my life.


--
There's just so much more that I am thankful for but it's so hard to name them all, but all in all I'm happy that finally I feel like I'm in a good place in my life. I'm enjoying all the things that I'm accomplishing. I like where I'm going in life and there's no room for failure because I'm going to continue to take each opportunity that life throws at me. Even look to the negatives and find the good because I'm not looking for anymore regrets..

-Lisa

My Sunday's,

I feel like I wasted my weekend by moping around the house but for some reason I just don't feel like getting up, getting ready, and for what? Nothing to my satisfaction. I hate blowing off friends for hanging out but lately I don't know I just can't seem to want to do anything. Sadly, as I'm sitting here I'm looking out my window and see that it's a nice sunny day. *Sigh*, yet I'm stuck inside. Not feeling the need to get out there. Maybe, just maybe I'll sit out, journal in hand?.. Just like I used to. No prompt to write out, no particular reason. Just a notebook, pen in hand, doodling the thoughts that come to mind.

Oh, how I miss not having a care in the world. Last night I had been flipping through the numerous journals I had laying around and saw how mediocre my writing has been. I want to try and have more of a deeper meaning to it. Although I must admit I got a laugh at reading of my past. A past that I'm not ashamed of but more like thankful for the lessons I learned. If being naive is a bliss than I had a hell of a blissful past years.

Even reading through blogs.. I'm one of the very few people out there that keep a daily blog.. sounds silly, but I get excited when people tell me that they read it and they relate to it or even inspire? Sometimes I forgot that there's more to conversate outside of the inter web.. but I was thinking that it's easy to write over the web and anyone that comes across is a stranger trying to take a grasp of your life. It's easy to write when no one know's who you really are. But just by reading a blog anyone out there can get a little snippet.

Ah, this blog is getting longer that I intentionally wanted it to be. So its Sunday- that means its time to finish all my homework, to study.. I barely even touched any of my trig hmwk and I yet to touch my english notebook. I guess I should get started on that now. I'm ending it here.

-Lisa

A Realization.

Isn't funny how the mind can wonder?.. Sometimes I just don't even know. I'm always asking myself, how did things end up this? Don't get me wrong, thing are going well great, but somehow a part of me feels like I could've done something better.. I could be better.

I hate feeling a low, a low that I can't dig myself out of but all I can do is just try to. I have supports from few, I just wish that it could mean more. Since the beginning of this year, I have felt like I've grown so much as a person. Heck, its almost my 17th birthday and let me tell you being 16 was not as sweet as people say it to be. I went through so much crapp from people that made me have to question all the actions that people make. I got lost trying to figure why people do the things they do that I questioned myself and my own better judgement.

I felt as though I was loosing at this game so called life. I was just a meaningless factor to it.. Now, I have an optimistic mind and all I can ever really do is move on from people I grew out of and know that there is so much better out there for me. I just need to believe in it.

Being year older means being more wiser, not so naive. Learning from my mistakes and putting to use all of the lessons that I've learned. I've become more independent and established who I am from the rest out there. I want to grow so much more now..

I want a purpose. A big purpose to why I'm still here today. Should I worship, should I pray, should I hope?
Worship to those who gave my life?
Pray for those who need more help than myself?
And hope for a better tomorrow?

My heart, mind, and soul have an urge. A desire to just help, to do better. I still struggle find who I am. But with each step that I take is a step closer to seeing who I truly am..

-Lisa

Over-Thinking It.

Lately I've been letting my feelings get the best of me and I'm not sure why. It seems crazy though because before I would hold my composure but once I'm secluded to myself something happens and its like everything is just out there..

I'm just scared, scared of the future and what it holds. Scared of not knowing what to do next. Maybe even a little scared to be at the next step.. I'm not even sure. But all I can is shake this off right? Cause I'm good at it.

-Lisa

& So these days go by,

"We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another,
but to see one another through."
-Peter De Vries

--
I need to do another update. Ugh, it really seems like these days just come and go and I just don't know what to with myself. It feels like I'm doing whatever when I really need to just be focused. Let me do my highlights for the week real fast.

Well on Thursday I had gone to a LASC meeting with a few people from my leadership class and it was a really fun experience. It was held at Meadowdale High School.The purpose of the meeting was to talk about the importance of good sportsmanship and how we can implement it in our schools. It started off with a guest speaker whom I thought did a great job even though it seems seam like he had gotten off topic a bit and I got lost following his analogy but I mostly understood the point he was making. It was really interesting talking to people from other schools and seeing how their schools would treat things. It really made me think of how much I really want to get Cascade more spirited and more excited about things. I know its not going to be an over nigh thing and its going to take a lot of steps to getting there. But in order to make change you need to start somewhere, even if their just getting ideas down on a scratch piece of paper.

Than yesterday (Saturday), DECA had their 2nd Safeway Take-Over. I'm really happy about the amount of people that decided to take part in the event. It really did look like we were taking over. Ha Ha Ha. I know that was a little lame. But I was talking to our advisor and our chapter has seriously grown so much since last year. I had fun walking around and doing the announcements about what we were doing even though sometimes I would flub on it. I thought the best part of it was doing the pie walk because it was fun finding someone in the isle and saying "Hey, you're the winner! You get a free pie!" Overall, I must say that this was yet another successful event that DECA has done. Now I just can't wait to compete in January. Me and Ashley are finally going to start out project on Wednesday, right after we talk to the guy from the Ice Cream Scoop via-phone meeting. But 11 pages will be easy, the hard part will be making sure that we meet the deadline. Eeeek.

As of right now I'm mainly procrastinating by blogging. I've done most of my homework but this habit really does need to stop. Omg, I was checking my email earlier and I've been getting a lot of emails from Universities and its freaking me out cause we're all so close to being in the "real world". Especially after Hasstedt had us filling out college applications, it was like ahh I'll be sending these off foreal soon.

Real talk, the future is here and no matter how much we think its not, it really is..

-Lisa

Remember,

So I just woke up and I felt a sudden urge to blog as I was getting dressed. Today is Veteran's Day. A day to remember those who served and be thankful to those serving for our country today. War is such a risky topic to talk about. Some are pro-War, while others are anti-war. As for myself, I really don't understand the war. But I see it effect many around me and it just makes me sad. And I always just wonder why..

-Lisa

I dance..

"I dance to obliterate duration.
I dance to dignify form as content.

I dance to equalize figure and surround.

I dance to put intuition in conversation with thought.

I dance to demonstrate the great facility and ridiculous limits of the
un-accoutered human body.

I dance not to be stuck in one position.

I dance in order to stand up straight.

I dance because you don't have to carry your instrument.

I dance because I can't wait to be asked.

I dance to achieve a vital, non-heroic presence.

I dance to shrink to an irreducible kernel of purified being.

I dance to arouse things out there that have not yet done so to enter my mind.

I dance to have a say in what I submit to.

I dance to forget why I dance."

-Douglas Dunn

---
Amazing quote! <3 I haven't had dance practice for almost a week now and let me tell you, I am missing it! No joke. Hopefully we got practice on Thursday, but no rush since coach is still recovering (Best wishes!) I can't wait for the collaboration with the breakers though. It's going to quite interesting, like I have said before. I've gotten to see a little something, something from a few of them. And its not bad at all.

But anywhoos, its blowing my mind at how we're already hitting the middle of November! Shooot, I'm feeling all over the place with stress. Is it possible to have good stress? I don't even know. I'm happy with a few things that are going on but on the other hand I just want to so F*** it. Now, its not like me to be all pessimistic but sometimes when you've had enough, that's all you can really give.

The few things that are keeping me going is the holidays! I absolutely love the holiday spirit that seems to sweep everyone's mind off of all the bad. Is it too soon to be talking about it? Nahhhh. I really just can't wait though! :)

-Lisa

Hectic Dawwwg.

The best feeling in the world
is finally knowing that you
took a step in the right direction,
a step towards the future where everything
that you never thought was possible,
IS POSSIBLE.

--
This week had went by so fast. I just really need to catch my breath, take a step back, and relax for a little bit. I really can't believe how quickly things are changing. Ahh, I look back to a year ago and would not have guessed that things would turn out like this. For the better, yes? Eh, sometimes I don't even know. But what I do know is I've never felt as successful and full-filled as I do now.

I remember I used to be a shy/timid girl never know what to do or when to do it. But now I know to be more independent. Shoot, I even am helping other people do things! I'm really glad that I joined leadership this year. Yeah, I now I'm involved with other things but I feel so much more involved being in the class.

The food drive is coming up and it's going to be so exciting. But at the same time I know it's going to be so hectic. Most of us have started working on our committees but it seems like its so close and we need to prepare for so much more. I'm just really hoping that things will run smoothly for that because our food drive really does help out our community in such a big way. I've helped out with the food drive in the previous years but I can't wait to be involved with the shopping/delivery day because it'll just be a new experience.

Besides all that, DECA is starting to prepare for the Area 1 competitions. Oh geez, it seems just like last year, competing for the first time. I'm so nervous but I'm really going to be prepared for this years. I'm planning to do a role-play by myself in Sports and Entertainment. Than I'm planning on doing a Team role-play with Katie. So that will be fun because this year will be her first time at competing. I can't wait for STATE! Which by the way, Ashley and I still need to get started on xP

So this is it for my blog for today!


-Lisa

Time for Change!

The elections were so exciting! I really wanted to blog about this earlier but I didn't have any time to xP Well we did a mock elections at my school, and let me tell you that day was hella busy. I missed most of my classes cause I had to help with the voting during the day. But it was a good thing to do. Than the night of elections, I was so excited when I found out that Barack Obama is going to be our next president! And here's the infamous question.. "Is our country ready for a black president?" I would say that we've been ready. Our country is seriously in for change, but we really do need change for the better! Here's my opinion on McCain - I had a feeling that he might have won if he had not chose Sarah Palin as his running mate, because honestly if he were to die (you know cause he's old) we would've had to face having Palin taking over. And our country would soo not be ready for that! Considering how she can barely run Alaska!Haha, okay that was my two cents on that. But seriously BARACK OBAMA! YESSS.

-Lisa

How HE makes me feel.

You take my hand and you pull me close and hold me tight. It's that sweet love that you give to me, that makes me believe we can make it through anything cause when it all comes down and I'm feeling like I'll never last, I just lean on you, cause you're my better half.

--
I often wonder what if..
what if we never met,
what if our cross never passed like it did,
what if we never took the chance,
never took the risk.

I remember always being the girl that didn't necessarily have the fear of commitment.. just didn't want to get to close.. just so I wouldn't be so vulnerable to getting hurt. Would just be too scared and back out when things didn't feel right. I used to think that there was always something wrong with myself. But now I realize, why did I always tear myself down when it was never really my fault that my heart felt the way it did?..

I'm still scared, I'm not going to lie and say that the fear had just magically disappeared. But the main reason why my fear has subsided is the way my boyfriend makes me feel each and ever day I spend with him. He gives me a sense of stability that I've never felt before and that I can act like well.. myself and I don't have to worry about him thinking that I'm so weird. (Cause you know, being normal is totally over-rated xP )

Sometimes I start to think about the beginning and just giggle because it really is amazing how we started out.. I wasn't looking to get serious, but something just happened and it was like wow, why can't I stop thinking about him?! We would talk almost every day and my weekends had mostly consisted of hanging out with him or wanting to hang out with him. And now as I look to see how far we've come I'm just truely happy. The happiest I've ever been with anyone.

I really do cherish every moment we spend together.. I really wouldn't know what to do with myself if he weren't in my life. At this point he really is a huge part of it in every way possible. I guess its true when people say you wouldn't really kow unless you experience it for yourself because I really could sit here, trying to explain it all but it really wouldn't compare to the feeling in itself.

I know I'm totally lame for writing this blog but I just felt like writing a blog out and it just happened to turn out that I felt like writing about him. :)

-Lisa

Omgawwwsh,

I've been busy, busy, busy! It's so insane. This week seemed like it just went by so fast. And I just can't believe that we're already in November! Wtfreak, it seemed just like yesterday that I was complaining about the summer days coming to an end. Maybe its because almost every single day I've got something planned that I need to be on top of. But I've learned to not pile everything at once, so than its not as overwhelming when you're trying to do everything. Taking it one hour of the day at a time works out just fine.

It just seems like school is taking almost all of my time. But you know what? I'mma make it biiiiig. And if that means spending the added 3 hours at school, than that's fine with me. At least I'm getting things done. I'm losing sleep but its all good. I'll just catch up my zzz's on the weekends. (If I even can. Haha.)

But what I'm super excited about is the upcoming DECA competitions. Me and Ashley are about to start our project for state. And I'm super excited about that because first of all the first time we went to state was such a great experience. And second, its going to be great competing again since we're not total newbies! Haha, okay that sounded kind of lame but I just can't wait.

Ahh, I don't even know what else to write about because my mind is literally all over the place. I can't help but think, "Wow, I've changed, but for the better." Time is passing us by, as always and you can't really stop it, so I'm not wasting time by hesitating on any of my actions. I really am at the point where whatever I do will affect what will happen later. I know I've already touched on this subject on my last blog but its just so true and that's where my mind keeps going back to. I gotta end it here though.

"It's an interesting time in your life because you're trying to act older and mature, but you really have no idea what you're doing. You're scared, and it's okay to be scared. It's okay to not know completely what you want or what you should be doing and to stumble a little bit."
-Milo Ventimiglia-

-Lisa