& Tonight I'm Spilling Out My Heart,

Each and everyday its hard to keep going on day by day knowing that a part of you will always be hurting. Sure, you can tuck all those feelings far deep down into the back of your mind and to never remember it again. But once it gets brought up, it brings the pain all back. It doesn't matter who hurt you or how long it’s been, because inevitably pain hurts all the same. Resolution; Move on. Never turn back. And realize that now, you are a better person than those who have hurt you. Despite the predicaments people have put you through, you never turn towards - hate. My mom has brought me up to be so much better. I'd rather take the high rode.

Some days I want to give in, give up, and never get up again. But life, doesn't ever stop. All you have to do is keep going and take everything that gets thrown at you. I've been through far too much to let anything or anyone try to stop me.

Many of us can be blind to this, but there are people out there who just have bad hearts. I know that you want to believe that everyone has good in them, and maybe you change them to be better. But sometimes you just have to deal with the fact that maybe you can't. Some people just want to see you fail and get bitter when you don't. Prove them wrong. I often try to comprehend why people do the things they do. Do they think it’s funny to see someone try so, so hard but to laugh when they fail? Do they think it's funny to see someone heart breaking piece by piece? Do they its funny to see someones dream shatter right before their eyes? What I think, it's not funny at all. Why do they?

Sometimes I wonder if I've taken my life for granted to this point. I've realized this for years now that I am truly blessed in so many ways. I have a beautiful family, I have met people who have the most amazing hearts, and I have been given so many opportunities that people would die for.

Although I have come to these realizations, why am I not able to figure out why I seem to doubt myself? I've always been told that I have potential to do whatever I set my mind to. But a part of me is always hesitant to do what I should. Is it fear? Fear of failure? Fear of disappointment? Fear of never being able to reach that full satisfaction?

Answers - Yes/Yes/Yes.

I'm done with wondering what if's? Thinking of the could've, should've, and would’ve. That's in the past. I'm moving forward. Like I've said before. I'm going onto bigger and better. No longer am I going to let what anyone thinks or says bring out the worst of me, because I know that I am way better than that.

In this exact moment of my life, I'm feeling accomplished, satisfied, scared, anxious. Accomplished with learning how to put things into perspective. Satisfied that I have been able to become stronger emotionally. Scared for the future. But Anxious to grow up and put everything I've learned to good use.

Most importantly, I'm happy. Happy for the fact that I now know who my true friends are. Happy that my family's relationship is healthy both physically and emotionally. And that for once in my life, that maybe just maybe I've made the right decision for my heart. It's a big risk to say, but I have hope for this one. I really do.

& now I am done for my blogging for tonight, ending this with an amazing quote.

Live from this ;

"Each person that you have met for a moment, a season or who still are with you, were brought to you for a specific reason. Cherish each of them. Laugh with them. And at times, love them. Do not take any of them for granted. But, when it's time, for a few, let go of them. Don't hold onto something that never was - learn from it and move on; it'll only make you stronger for what is to come."

-Lisa